


Now I'm Shining Too

by dorkstagram (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-20 15:59:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/889147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/dorkstagram
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a miserable two years at University, Liam decides to drop out and leave London in favor of heading home, to the place he knew the best until his parents drug him away at the age of 16. With best mate Niall in tow, they head to Wolverhampton, where Liam hopes he can rediscover the joy that he once knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Comin' Home

**Author's Note:**

> Title from the song "Falling In Love At A Coffee Shop" by Landon Pigg.

Liam's had enough - more than enough. He's had enough of this city, surrounded by people who he doesn't like. He's had enough of this University, on a path that he has no interest in, in a city that he despises. And he's had enough of living in a house where his parents are fighting more often than they're getting along, and never bothering to ask Liam how he's doing. He has his mind set on home. He doesn't know what he's going to get when he gets back to Wolverhampton, he just knows that he needs to get back there before he loses his mind where he is. He doesn't know what to do, how to tell his parents, so he goes to the only person who he's been able to trust ever since he moved to this godforsaken place 3 years ago.

"Brillant!" Niall nearly screeches, leaping off of his bed. "I'm in."

Liam sighs at that thought. "I didn't invite you, Niall."

"You didn't need to invite me, you'd be a complete arse to leave me behind, I'm your best mate." Niall says. "Plus, you'd be lost without me, Leemo, you need me there with you just as much as I need to be there with you."

"You do realize that you've had enough money to leave London and never come back since you were 8 years old, right? You could be back in Ireland by now if you really wanted to be." Liam points out.

"Yeah, Li, just always felt like I couldn't leave me Da here without a good reason," Niall explains. "And I don't really need to go back to Ireland. I've been here long enough, gotten accustomed to England. I like it. Just need a change, London's so tired." He continues. "Now I've got the perfect reason to leave; you need me to go with you."

Niall's mother left when he was only 5 years old, shortly before they up and left Ireland and headed for London, but the family still never had any trouble with money. Niall's paternal grandfather being one of the wealthiest business moguls in Ireland, who died when Niall was 8 and left Niall's family everything, including the billions of Euros to his name - half going to Niall's father and the other half split between Niall and his brother Greg, of which Niall never spent a cent of, chucking it in savings the moment he received it. He had enough money that he'd never have to work a day in his life, but he did anyway, keeping his fortune at the same massive amount and always adding to it.

Niall was the first friend Liam made after he moved to London, and the only one who really stuck. Niall was a breath of fresh air, nothing like anyone else he'd ever met, even when he was back home. Niall was always understanding and fun. Liam sometimes felt that he needed to be around to keep Niall grounded, stopping him from doing anything stupid, and he thinks that Niall secretly appreciates it. As much as he doesn't want to admit that he needs Niall to come along with him back to Wolverhampton, he probably does. He'll probably tell Niall it's so Niall doesn't do something idiotic and get himself killed while Liam's not around to stop him, but he knows he needs Niall just as much as Niall needs him.

"I wouldn't exactly say that I need you, Ni." Liam says through a snicker. "But you'd probably do something ridiculous and dangerous if I left you here on your own, so I'd love for you to come with me, mate."

"I don't need you to babysit me, Liam!" Niall shouts jokingly, punching Liam's shoulder. "But I'm in."

\--

After going back to his house, Liam spent the next several hours laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling, twiddling his thumbs, and wondering how the hell he'd break the news to his parents. It's not as if he planned this. He never planned to drop out of Uni and leave his parents behind, but once it got to the point where he was so miserable that he couldn't endure it anymore, he didn't feel that he had a choice. It's not as if he didn't warn his parents when they told him about the move to London that he didn't want to go. It's not as if he didn't remind them, every single day, that London isn't where he wants to be. It's not as if he didn't tell his parents 5 years ago that he had no intentions of going to Uni. They forced him out of Wolverhampton and into London, and they forced him into Uni - they shouldn't be surprised, and he knows that they won't be. But he knows they'll be disappointed, or more likely, blood curdlingly angry.

He walked downstairs to the living room where his mum and dad were sat, arguing as usual. "Can I talk to you two?"

"Can it wait? We're busy." Liam's father snaps.

"Yeah, you're busy arguing. Which is exactly why I picked this time to talk to you. And I need to talk to you now." Liam demands.

"Fine, what is it?" His mother says, tapping her foot on the floor.

"I'm moving back to Wolverhampton. Me and Niall. We're leaving next week." He speaks, and watched as all the color immediately drained from his parents' faces. He almost felt guilty, but there was no way to turn back now.

"Wolverhampton?!" His dad shouts, immediately standing up from his seat. "What could you possibly want in Wolverhampton? Your life is here in London."

"No, your life is here. My life is back in Wolverhampton where it has been since I was born, where it stayed even after you dragged me out here 3 years ago, kicking and screaming." Liam explains, now angrier than he had been in the first place. "I was happy in Wolverhampton, and I'm miserable here, and I don't want to be here anymore."

Liam feels himself on the verge of tears, now hyper-aware of what he has known but hasn't been admitting to himself for his entire life. His parents have never understood how much he loved Wolverhampton, they never understood how negatively affected he was by the move to London, and with every word that spills out of their mouths, it becomes more and more apparent. They never understood, they never cared, they never listened. They'd look at him when he spoke, and they'd nod along, affirmative hums every once in a while, but everything went in one ear and out the other. They didn't care what Liam wanted, they cared what they wanted for Liam, which just so happens to be two completely different things.

"What about Uni?" His mum asks, as if University was the only important thing in Liam's life.

"What about Uni? I don't want to be in Uni, you _know_ I don't want to be in Uni. I told you years ago, but you forced me into it just like you forced me into everything else in my entire life." Liam says, though it's a lost cause, because he knows that his parents won't care, because they never do.

"We had an agreement, Liam," his father speaks through gritted teeth. "You live under our roof, you get an education, no questions asked."

"I'm not asking questions. I'm also not going to be living under your roof." Liam snaps. "I don't  _want_ to be under your roof, I'm sick of listening to you two argue all the time, and never giving a shit about me. Can you remember when the last time you asked me how my day was? I bet you can't. It's been months. If you'd ask me every once in a while, you'd know just how miserable I am in University, and in London in general. I need out of here."

"You're only miserable because you've convinced yourself to be." his mother offers. "What are you going to do about money in Wolverhampton? You haven't been working."

"I have enough money saved up to get by until I get a job there, plus Niall's coming, and he has plenty." Liam counters, cockiness in his voice when he mentions Niall's money. "I'll find a job there. I'll be fine. I'll at least be happy there."

Liam could see it in his parents' eyes that he wasn't getting through to them. The fact that he was unhappy? The last thing they cared about. The fact that their son was going to be the first member of their family in generations to not finish Uni? Their only concern. He felt guilty at first about leaving, but that was quickly fading as he really realized how little they cared. "Liam, you can't -"

"I can, and I am." Liam snaps, not caring to hear the rest of what his father wanted to say. "I'm taking what's mine and I'm leaving. There's nothing here left for me anyway. I  _thought_ you guys would be more upset that I'll be leaving and you won't have me around, but it's pretty obvious that the only thing you'll be missing is my University education."

"But, Li -" his mum chokes out.

"No, leave it. I don't wanna hear anymore, you can't rectify this." He was done listening, he'd had enough, and his parents stared in awe as he left the room and went up the stairs, slamming his bedroom door behind him. He pulled his duffle bag out from under his bed and rang Niall.

"One week, Horan." Liam says, and it's all he could get out before Niall was cheering on the other end. He's ready to get out of here.

\--

After the confrontation with his parents, the next week is very settled in the Payne household. His parents are arguing much less, and they always make sure to ask "How are you?" when he goes downstairs for breakfast before leaving for his morning run. Liam knows that, logically, this should make him happy. For some reason, though, it doesn't make him feel one way or another. He's partially convinced that this is all for show, that this is his parents' final plea to get him to stay, and he's not going to fall for it. For the past 3 years, he's been itching to get home, and he's not going to let anything change his mind. 

Liam and his father finish packing all of his things into the moving truck, and his mother is there at Liam's side, crying silently. Liam can feel tears welling up in his eyes, upset to see his mother so upset, but he will not allow the tears to fall. He's not going to get emotional, not right now, not today. He settles for giving her a hug, paired with a kiss on the cheek, and an "I love you."

He reaches out for his father's hand, offering a hand shake, to which his father only shakes his hand and pulls Liam in for a hug. "I'm sorry, Liam. For everything. I'm gonna miss you." Liam nods. They don't say anything else, but Liam knows that they don't need to. He knows what they're both thinking, what they're both feeling. And Liam knows that he believes him, that he's sorry, and Liam forgives him, pulls him in for another hug before walking over the window of the moving truck, telling the driver to follow him to Niall's.

He climbs into the driver's seat of his car, and his mum comes over to the rolled down passenger's side window before he has a chance to leave, says "Be safe, call when you get there." and he says he will, gives her a kiss goodbye, and waves to both of them as he drives away, heading for Niall's, ready for his fresh start.

When he arrives at Niall's, he and his father are already sitting out front with all of Niall's things. Niall packs all of his things into the moving truck, while Liam has a conversation with his father. "I always knew you'd get out of here, Liam, you deserve it." he says, placing a hand on Liam's shoulder. "Thank you so much for taking Niall with you, I know he needs this too, just doesn't want to admit it to me. But I'll be fine here without him, I just want him to be happy."

Liam knows, completely aware that Niall's father always wants what's best for his kids, first and foremost. He does great on his own, has so many friends, and constantly making them wherever he goes and whatever he does. He knows that Niall's father will still be perfectly fine here, even without Niall, and that makes Liam smile. "You can come visit us whenever you want to." he says.

Niall's father smiles, nods, "I will."

Niall finishes packing up the truck and walks over to them, gives his father one last hug goodbye. "I'll call you, every week." and they head to Liam's car. They both wave goodbye as they leave the driveway, following the moving truck. Both ready to start their new lives, somewhere that they'll be able to be fully happy, and independent, doing what they want to do.

\--

It takes hours to get to Wolverhampton, feels like days to Liam, but they finally make it there and Liam lets out a contented sigh when things start looking familiar, and he has a fond smile spread across his face.

"This is it." Liam speaks, as they finally make it into Wolverhampton. It's almost like he can't breathe; He feels happier than he's ever felt before in his life, especially since they left all those years ago and never went back. He sees everything, just as he remembers, and he almost wants to cry. He hasn't been in this city for 3 years and it's everything, to be back here again.

They pull up outside of the flat complex and Liam lets out a sigh of relief. He looks up at the building where he'll be living and he feels like crying again. This is his home now, finally. After all this time, he's back, he's where he wants to be - where he  _needs_ to be _._ Liam opens up the back hatch of the moving truck, when he suddenly hears a very familiar voice. "No fucking way, Payne!" he hears shouted at him, and before he can turn around to see who the voice belongs to, the person is disappearing back into the building in a blur, and bolting out into the parking lot. 

 _Andy_ , he notes, and his lips automatically turn up into a smile as he's nearly tackled into a hug. "I can't believe you're home, mate!"

Andy Samuels was Liam's best mate for the first 16 years of his life, until he was dragged away to London. Andy reminds Liam of Niall in a lot of ways - the way he's silly, and up for anything, and always needed Liam to keep him grounded. Liam is so glad that he's still around, and apparently living in the same building as him. That's when Liam thinks,  _goddammit, now I've got two people I've got to look after._ Not that he minds - he could never mind, not when he's back home and his two best mates are here.

"It's good to see you, man," Liam says, and reaches back out to embrace Andy in another suffocating hug. "I'm really glad to be home, and I'm really glad you're here." Liam says; He's crying now and he doesn't even care. He's overwhelmingly happy, and he sees no reason to stop the tears that are now freely flowing down his face. "Andy, this is my best mate, Niall," He says, reaching out to grab Niall's arm and drag him over. "Niall, this is Andy. He was my best mate since I was a baby."

Niall reaches out his hand, but Andy rejects it, and pulls Niall into a hug. Liam distinctly remembers that Andy's always been a hugger - even with people he barely knows, and with people he's just meeting - and Liam's always found that endearing, really. They pull away and Niall is smiling, which warms Liam's heart, and he really hopes that they'll all be great mates.  _This_ is exactly what he was hoping to find, coming back to Wolverhampton. He couldn't ask for anything more.

"Here, let me help you guys with your things," Andy offers, walking over to the truck. "We've got a lot of catching up to do, Liam, and Niall and I have got to get acquainted." he says with a smile. "I'm sure you're pretty ace if you've been willing to put up with our Leemo." Liam smiles at the nickname, smiles at the use of the word  _our_ before it, and he knows he shouldn't be feeling so sentimental about all of this. He only nods, going over to the truck and grabbing some of his things.

Once they've managed to get all of their things into the flat, and Liam's paid the driver and sent him on his way, they all settle on the couch with some tea that Andy's brought over from his flat. "So, is anyone else still around?" Liam asks. "Any of the guys we used to hang out with?"

"Yeah, they're all still here." Andy states. "You know how this place is, kinda swallows you up and you can't get out." He continues. "I'm flat mates with Harry, actually, he still talks about you all the time - he'll be really happy you're back. He's just got out of work, should be headed home right now. I sent him a text to tell him you're back, and your flat number, so I'm sure he'll come knocking any minute."

"Tommo's still around too." Andy says. "He's going to the University of Wolverhampton, and he's living a couple blocks away with Eleanor - they're engaged now."

 _I knew they'd end up together_ , he thinks, and he feels a smile pulling at his lips. "They started dating not long after you moved away. We all saw it coming - seeing as they've been attached at the hip since primary school. He proposed about a year ago. She's got a MASSIVE rock on her finger, you should see it - kind of ridiculous looking, but, you know, that's The Tommo."

That's when he hears a pounding at his door and a screeching Harry Styles at the other side. "Liam James Payne!" he shouts. "Let me in, let me in, let me in! Let me in right now, you arse!" Liam lets out a contented sigh and makes his way to be door, only to be pounced on when it's open. Harry wraps his arms around Liam's neck and his legs around his waist. It's awkward, because Harry's tall, much taller than he was before Liam left, but he doesn't mind. They're in a fit of giggles, Harry not loosening his grip on Liam for another minute before he's hopping down and greeting Liam with a shove to the chest. "Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming home!" and then Harry's embracing him again, this time more gentle, and Liam doesn't think he's ever been this happy before.

They spend the next few hours just talking about everything, catching up. Andy and Niall have really taken well to each other -  _they're both replacing me with each other,_ he thinks - and he doesn't think that he minds that idea much. He would be angry that it took him so long to get back here, now really realizing just what it is that he's been missing out on, but he's not angry. He's too busy being happy; He's so happy, and he doesn't think he's stopped smiling since he's been home. Niall, Andy, and Harry are chatting and joking around with each other, and Liam can only smile and observe.  _This is what I've been missing_ , he thinks,  _This is what real happiness feels like._

He's so glad to be home, with his 3 best mates, and he can't believe things haven't always been this way.

\--

They're up early the next morning, when Andy and Harry knock on their door at 7 am, eager to get the flat all set up. Louis and Eleanor show up at around 10, and Liam's happiness is getting overwhelming again, but he's comfortably overwhelmed. He gets a look at the ring on Eleanor's finger, and Andy wasn't joking, it's ridiculous.  _Typical Louis_ ,he thinks. They treat him as if he hasn't been gone without any contact for the past 3 years, and it feels so  _right_ that Liam almost forgot for a moment that he's been away for so long. It's just as it always was before, they're all best mates, only now Niall's here. They treat Niall as if he always has been here, and that warms Liam's heart, that they're so quick to take Niall in as one of their own.  _I really do have the best friends in the entire world_ , he thinks, _I can't believe I didn't come back here sooner._

They spend a few hours getting the flat set up, but they're beginning to wear down. "Liam, why don't you go and get some coffees?" Andy suggests. "I'd do it but I think I'm too tired to stand up. There's a coffee shop right around the corner, just go up a block and turn right."

"Sure," Liam says.

He steps out the door of the building, really taking in the city that he's been missing. It's so much different from London, so much more calm, and he's beaming as he walks down the sidewalk. 

He steps into the coffee shop and it feels like home, quaint, nothing like any place he'd ever been in London. Everywhere in London was always busy, stuffy, crowded, too loud. This place is much nicer, much quieter. A few tables of people scattered around the room, hushed conversation filling the air, and that's when his eyes land on the boy stood behind the front counter. They make eye contact for a split second and Liam swears he sees a glitter of lust in the boy's eyes, mirroring the same lust that must be in his eyes, he thinks. He ignores it, and approaches the counter.

"What can I get for you?" the boy asks, and Liam's so dazzled by the glint in his eyes that he swears he forgets how to speak.

"6 iced coffees, please," he replies, and without really thinking about it, more words are spilling from his mouth without his consent. "and your phone number."

"6 iced coffees, alright, got it," he says. "and not a  _chance_ , mate."

Liam's almost offended, because it's tragic, really, that his not-even-kind-of-thought-out plan didn't work. And he is offended, until he pays, grabs his coffees and says thank you, but that's when he catches it. The boy  _winks_ ,he fucking  _winks_. Liam is confused, but at the same time he's desperate, absolutely desperate to know more about the boy behind the counter.


	2. The Upper Hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just on a roll and started writing, figured I may as well post it.  
> (Don't let this get your hopes up, I won't always be updating so quickly.)

"Zayn Malik," Andy says with a sigh, interrupting Liam's exhaustingly long rant about the gorgeous boy working at the coffee shop who had the nerve to reject him, then wink at him as he walked away. "His name is Zayn Malik. Moved here from Bradford about a year ago; don't think you're his type though." _  
_

"Not his type?" Liam says, offended. "Am I too clean-cut? Too cheerful? Do I need more--?"

He hears a grunt as he begins to motion towards the tattoo on his forearm. "Don't be daft, Payne. First off, getting more tattoos as a way to impress the boy who used a decent amount of the very few words he's spoken to you to rejectyou is not a good look." Harry sneers. "Plus, I don't think that's what Andy meant."

"Don't think he likes dudes," Andy continues. "I'm sure he'd go for you if he was, I know I would, but I don't think he's gay, mate."

 _Can't be_ , Liam thinks,  _he's gotta be gay, I saw the way he looked at me._ "But he..." Liam starts, not wanting to sound like an idiot. "He winked at me. And I could see it in his eyes, the way he looked at me. A straight guy has never looked at me the way he has before, otherwise I'd have completely dropped this."

"Probably just fucking with you, Li," Niall offers. "You're too easy sometimes, I'm sorry, man."

 _I'm going to kill Niall_ ,Liam thinks,  _he's supposed to be my best mate and he won't even back me up_ , he thinks.  _He's turning into another Andy Samuels, goddammit._

"Oh, fuck off, Horan," Liam hisses. "Are you sure he's not gay?"

Andy rolls his eyes and Liam already feels foolish.  _I'm sitting here obsessing over some boy who I've barely spoken 10 words to and he has no interest in me whatsovever._ "Am I sure he's gay? No, mate, I barely know the dude. I've hung out with him a few times at parties, nice enough lad to have a chat with but I don't know the ins and outs of the guy. Just going off from what I've observed, he just doesn't seem gay, you know?" Andy states.

"Doesn't seem gay," Liam repeats. "You absolutely arse, you haven't got a clue."

Andy merely shrugs. "You're probably best off asking Ant and Danny, they're his best mates. If anyone would know, they would."

Liam beams at the thought of those two. He always loved Ant and Danny, the brothers who Liam probably should have felt the need to keep grounded, but they were always too much of a handful for him to even want to bother, so he'd just let them do their thing and attempt to keep up. "Ant and Danny Riach," Liam nods. "They're still around? Not locked up yet?"

Liam distinctly remembers all the shit that Ant and Danny would get into. Liam and his friends always thought of Ant and Danny as their brothers. Their parents died when they were young so they didn't have a lot, and they felt almost obligated to take care of the boys - they didn't mind. They'd show up at Andy's house late at night while they were all hanging out, bragging about the buildings they tagged this time, and all the things they'd knicked from the corner store.  _These are the friends I've chosen_ , he thought, _And I wouldn't have it any other way.  
_

"Interestingly enough, no," Andy replies. "Some filthy rich relative of theirs died, some distant aunt or something, but it turns out that they were her closest relatives who were still alive." He continues. "They got everything, don't really need to steal anymore. Though Ant did just turn 18, he's got time."

Liam smiles fondly at the thought - things turning around for the two. They deserved it, they've been through enough. "That's really good to hear," Liam says. "But I think I'll pass on asking them about Zayn. As much as I love those boys, I know they'll just take the piss."

Andy shrugs, "Suit yourself, but it's your best bet."

Liam's not quite sure.

\--

Liam spends all of his waking hours thinking about Zayn, for the rest of the day.  _What is this boy's deal,_ he thinks. And he thinks that he could probably be positive, if he could manage to remember any of what he dreamed, that he'd spent all of his unconscious moments thinking about Zayn that night as well.  _Without a doubt, you're all I dream about._ He wakes up and he's tired. It hasn't even been 24 hours and thinking about Zayn all the time is already exhausting him to no end. That morning, he decides to head over to the coffee shop.

He's walking, one foot in front of the other, staring at the ground, and his hands are shaking.  _What the hell am I going to say to him_ , he thinks. He turns the corner and that's when he see him. He's stood outside of the shop taking long drags off a cigarette, wearing a skin-tight pair of black jeans paired with a black band t-shirt and his tattoos are on display. Liam swears his heart skips one beat, two beats, three beats, and now he can't breathe. Zayn offers a look, paired with a raised eyebrow, and Liam's breath comes back.  _Fuck._ He steps inside.

Zayn's not too far behind him, dropping the cigarette and stomping it out as the door closes behind Liam. Liam's standing in the middle of the room, and he knows that he must look like an absolute prat, because he certainly feels like one. Zayn makes eye contact and smirks, and Liam feels his breath going shallow again, but he manages to get himself together before Zayn jerks his neck, motioning for Liam to step up to the counter. Liam's heart is pounding in his chest.

"What can I get you?" Zayn asks, and Liam's becoming distracted by his eyes again. _Sort yourself out, goddammit, Payne._

"Just an ice coffee, thanks," and Liam forgets everything he'd had in his mind that he was going to say, so he settles, and he regrets it. "and I still wouldn't object to your phone number."

Zayn merely laughs, but it's not an unfriendly laugh, and that makes Liam feel a lot more comfortable, though he doesn't say anything. He goes to make Liam's coffee, and when he comes back is when he speaks. "Again with that?" Zayn teases. "You're gonna have to try harder than that, mate, honestly."

"Nah, I'm not desperate," Liam responds, a sudden cockiness in his voice and he's not quite sure where that came from. He pays for his drink, then continues. "My mate's having a homecoming party for me on Saturday night. I just moved back from London 2 days ago - I grew up here." Liam grabs a napkin, snatches the pen from Zayn's hand, jots down the address, and slides it over. "You should stop by."

Zayn takes a long look at the napkin, and he laughs dryly. He seems timid all of a sudden, possibly nervous, and Liam's trying to hold back a smile. "Liam Payne," he mumbles, taken note of the name scribbled on the top of the napkin. Liam raises an eyebrow, as if waiting for Zayn to give him a yes or no. "Maybe."

Liam's not entirely happy with the answer, but he supposes it's good enough, so he nods.

"My name's Zayn, by the way."

"I know." Liam says, and Zayn looks taken aback. He starts to walk away, but before he gets the door, he turns around and this time, he's the one who winks. Zayn shies away.

If Liam's not mistaken, he believes he has the upper hand.

\-- 

"I invited him," he announces, walking into Andy's flat where he finds Andy, Harry, Niall, Louis, and Eleanor sat in the living room. "To the party on Saturday, I invited Zayn, and he didn't say no."

Everyone just gawks at him, and they're dumbfounded. "Good job, mate. Zayn Malik's coming to your party." Louis says, like he's proud of Liam, like he's accomplished the impossible.

"Well," Liam starts. "He didn't say no, but he didn't exactly say yes either." Liam says, almost like he's ashamed. "He said maybe."

"Maybe means no, Liam," Eleanor interjects and Liam makes a wounded noise, gaping at her.

"El, you're supposed to be on my side!"

"Sorry, Li!" She shouts, throwing her hands up in defense. "I'm just saying, don't get your hopes up, coming from Zayn Malik, 'maybe' is an almost definite no."

"I think he'll come, Li," Niall says. "Who wouldn't want to come to your party?"

"If it's meant to be, it will be," Andy adds, and Liam's picking up a shoe and hurling it at him. "Fuck! Arse."

And then he sits down and sulks, and it shows, but no one says anything because they know what it's about. _Shit, I really am an idiot,_ he thinks,  _of course he's not going to come._

\--

It's the day of the party and Liam's a nervous wreck.

 _Zayn's not going to show up_ , he thinks,  _why would Zayn Malik want to come to my stupid party?_

He thinks about calling it off, but he doesn't. No, that would be stupid.

He's been back to the coffee shop since that day, almost everyday. He hasn't asked and Zayn hasn't told. Zayn's not as friendly as Liam would have hoped, not nearly as friendly as he was that second day, and that worries Liam. It worries him a lot. Liam's not pushy, doesn't want to embarrass himself.  _I'm always bloody embarrassing myself_ , he thinks,  _don't make an arse out of yourself in front of him._

And due to the fear of embarrassing himself, he doesn't say a word. He thinks maybe he should, but he stops himself, just gets his coffee and goes. Zayn doesn't wink, doesn't smirk. Not a thing.

Liam doesn't ask that morning if Zayn's coming to his party. No, he's too afraid that the answer isn't going to be what he wants. He remembers back to what Zayn had said to him the first time they met.  _Not a chance, mate._ He doesn't want a repeat, so he stays quiet, hopes that he remembers, hopes that since Ant and Danny are coming, they'll drag him along.

All he does is hope, because it's all he actually can do.

\--

It's time for the party and everyone's here. A lot of people he recognizes from secondary school, some he likes and some he doesn't. He spots Ant and Danny but they don't have anyone with them, and his heart drops.  _Don't get upset, don't get upset, don't get upset_ , he thinks,  _and for the love of god, don't cry._ He saw this coming, really, he did, but he still feels a slight pain in his chest, and it's tragic, really, that the absence of Zayn Malik can affect him this way.

He figures that he needs to go talk to Ant and Danny anyway, they were some of his best mates and he hasn't seen them in 3 years - he just hopes that when he tries to bring up Zayn, they don't take the piss. He just wants to know what Zayn's deal is, needs to know, really.  _Why did he pretend for 2 seconds that he was interested in me if he's just going to go back to pretending I don't exist_ , he thinks,  _just like that._

He doesn't even make it over to Ant and Danny before Ant is shouting his name and pouncing on him. "So good to see you, man!" then Danny joins.

They spend a good 10 minutes chatting, catching up about what's been going on for the past 3 years when Liam thinks  _just rip the band-aid off._ If they're going to take the piss, they're going to take the piss. It's only Ant and Danny, it could always be worse. 

"So, um," Liam mutters, not sure how to even go about asking. "I invited Zayn tonight, but, uh,"

"Yeah," Danny interrupts. "He's working tonight. His boss called him in for a shift at the last minute because another girl he works with just quit."

"Oh," Liam sighs, not sure whether or not he should be relieved.  _Just because he has to work doesn't mean he was even planning on coming in the first place_ , he thinks.

"He's gonna kill me for telling you this, but Danny and I both agree he's acting like an idiot," Ant says. "He talks about you all the time. Hasn't really stopped since that first day you came into the shop. He came back to our flat talking about some sunshiney kid he's never seen before, we immediately knew he was talking about you."

"Look, we think he really likes you," Danny adds. "Just, don't fuck him around, alright? He's been through a lot and if all you want is a quick fuck, just leave it." he continues, and Liam's almost offended that Danny doesn't seem to know Liam well enough to know that he never has been and never will be like that at all, but Liam also knows that Danny's only looking out for his best mate. "He's a really good kid, and he deserves to be treated well, okay?"

Liam nods. "You know me well enough to know that I don't fuck people around."

"Yeah, we do. We just have to look out for Z, he's never really been great at looking out for himself." Ant responds, and Liam knows that he's right.

Liam tries to enjoy the rest of his party. Chats to a few people who he knows from secondary school, tries his very hardest to to remain interested in their conversation, but all he can think about is  _ZaynZaynZayn._ It's 11:30 when he decides he's got to get out of there, got to get to the coffee shop, got to find Zayn. He says his goodbyes, and despite Andy's shouts, _You can't leave your own party, you fucking prat_ , He's out the door and nearly sprinting to the coffee shop, Zayn's name running through his mind like a mantra.

He makes it there and peeks through the windows, sees there isn't a single person inside, except for Zayn behind the counter, and he bolts through the door. He sprints towards the counter and he feels like an idiot, and Zayn looks confused, but he's smiling big, so Liam takes that as a go-ahead as he leaps over the counter and right into Zayn's personal space.

"Liam, what-" Zayn tries, before Liam's shaking his head and cutting Zayn off with a press of his lips. He pulls away and Zayn's smiling, which Liam takes as an invitation to kiss him again. It's all teeth at first before they really get into it, their tongues battling for dominance before Zayn gives in and lets Liam take control. Liam can feel Zayn smiling into the kiss and he feels like maybe he could stay like this forever, but he pulls away.

"Mine," Liam says. "Ant and Danny told me you've been talking about me. We don't have to talk about it, just, let me take you back to mine."

"But I'm working," Zayn responds. "And your party. Everyone's gonna be at your flat."

"It's 11:30 in Wolverhampton, Zayn, no one's coming here at this hour." Liam says. "And my party's at Andy's flat, no one's at mine, it'll just be us, yeah?"

"Yeah," Zayn nods. "Just us, yeah. Take me to yours."

Liam takes Zayn's hand and Zayn's beaming, and Liam thinks,  _yeah_ , he's definitely got the upper hand.


	3. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOW AM I WRITING THIS SO QUICKLY

Liam wakes up the next morning and he wants to cry.

His arms are empty, there’s no dip in the bed next to him, and he’s alone.

 _Zayn left_ , he thinks, _Zayn let me fuck him, he fell asleep in my arms, and then he left._

There’s a voice in his head reminding him that he really shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. He let Zayn into his flat, into his life, into his _heart._ Zayn had made Liam feel like this was something to him, like Liam was something to him, and then he left him feeling like nothing.

Liam doesn’t get out of bed today, definitely doesn’t go to that coffee shop. He only pulls the covers over his body, curls in on himself, and tries to get back to sleep as tears are freely flowing down his cheeks. _Fuck_ , he thinks, _I really fucked myself over this time, didn’t I?_

Liam manages to fall back asleep, only to be woken hours later by a knock at his bedroom door and a soft voice at the other end that he recognizes as Eleanor. “Come in, El.” He says, but he doesn’t bother sitting up or pulling the blanket down from over his face. He realizes that he still has tear tracks staining his cheeks and his still faintly feels like crying, and he doesn’t stop himself, knowing that Eleanor will be the one person who understands.

“Li,” she speaks, in the softest and most comforting voice Liam thinks he’s ever heard. She reaches up to the top of the blanket, dragging it down carefully, only to make a wounded sound when she sees the tear tracks all down his face. She sits down next to him on his bed, wipes his cheeks, and strokes his hair. Liam’s really glad that she’s here. “We’re really worried about you, Liam. You left your party so early last night, and now it’s 3 pm and you’re still in bed. Andy and Niall tried to come get you, but they said when they knocked you just told them to fuck off. Now I see you’ve been crying, and I hate seeing you sad, Li. Are you okay?”

Liam shakes his head and he feels that there are tears spilling over again. He doesn’t bother trying to hold them back. Eleanor whimpers as she tries to wipe the tears falling from his eyes, but to no avail, and more come pouring out. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Liam nods but he doesn’t speak yet, only lets out a few choked sobs and Eleanor reaches out for his hand, clutching it in hers. She stares intently, waiting until he’s ready to speak, and that’s when he says it. “He left me, El.”

She looks confused, and curious, and saddened all at once. “Who left you, Liam?”

“Zayn!” He nearly shouts, though he really didn’t mean to. Eleanor looks frightened, so he gives her hand a squeeze, reassuring her that it’s not her that he’s upset with, and then he continues. “I talked to Ant and Danny last night, and they told me that Zayn’s been talking about me and that they think he likes me. The reason he wasn’t at the party last night was because he had to work.” He continues. “After they told me that, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, but I _tried_. I just had to go see him. I ran to the coffee shop and I kissed him, and he kissed me back, and I swear he was happy, El. I invited him back to mine and he’s the one who asked to stay, it was his idea, but I woke up this morning and he’s not here. He just let me fuck him and he made me feel like this was something, but he left. I don’t understand what I did wrong, did I do something wrong?” He’s full out sobbing at this point and Eleanor looks like she might start any moment too. He feels awful.

“Oh, Liam,” she coos. “No, babe, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m so sorry.” And she then kicks off her shoes in favor of lying down behind Liam and holding him. He feels so small in Eleanor’s arms, which is strange, given her actual size. He’s not crying so much anymore but he’s still shaking, and she’s still shushing him and trying to steady him, stroking his hair with her free hand, the one not attached to her arm that’s wrapped around his stomach. This is comforting, being with Eleanor, he’s always felt safe with her and it’s nice.

“Trying to steal my fiancée, Liam?” He hears Louis joke from somewhere on the other side of the room and if he could bring himself to do anything, he’d be hurling the closest object straight at his face.

“Lou, please, it’s not the time for that,” Eleanor says calmly and he feels her head move from off of his shoulder, to look at Louis, he assumes. “Can you just give us some time here?”

“Yeah,” Louis mutters, accompanied with an “Is he okay?”

Liam feels her shoulders move and he knows she’s shaking her head, which is confirmed when he hears a hushed “No.”

“I hope you feel better, Li. Love you.” Louis says as he leaves the room and shuts the door. His voice sounded strained, like he wanted to cry, and that makes Liam cry all over again.

They’re quiet for a few moments before Liam decides to speak again. “I’m really glad you’re happy, you know, with Louis. I always knew that you two would end up together ever since we were little kids and I just – I’m really happy for you two.”

Eleanor’s lips are pressed to Liam’s shoulder blades and he can feel her smiling. “I am happy.” She starts. “I’m really happy with Lou. And you’re gonna be happy too, Liam, I promise that you will.” She assures him, stroking her hand up and down his forearm. “I know you felt like you were all alone when you woke up this morning and Zayn wasn’t here, Li, but you have us and we’re always gonna be here. Remember how you felt, with us, before you ever met Zayn? You were so happy, Li, I can tell. Just try to get back there, because you deserve to be happy. We’re not gonna up and leave you in the middle of the night. As long as you have us, you’re not alone. We love you so much, Li, like you’re our family.” She finishes, and Liam’s crying unabashedly, but he’s smiling.

“Thank you, El.” Is the only thing that he manages to get out.

“You’re welcome, Liam.” And that’s all he really needs.

Eleanor stays with him in his bed until she’s sure that he’s asleep, though he’s not actually, and she kisses him on the forehead and covers him back up with his blankets before she’s tiptoeing out of the room. He hears a whispered “I love you, Li.” before the door shuts behind her, and though he can’t honestly say that he feels 100% okay right now, he can feel a hint of happiness plucking at his insides.

Liam doesn’t leave his room until hours later and everyone’s in his living room. They all give him sympathetic looks and he knows that Eleanor told them. He feels exposed. Ant and Danny are there and he tries his best to stay calm. _They’re your best mates_ , he thinks, _it’s not their fault Zayn did that to you._

He makes his way to the corner of the sofa and he curls in on himself. Ant walks over and sits next to him, slings his arm around Liam’s shoulder. “I’m really sorry, Liam. I didn’t know he’d do that.” He whispers in Liam’s ear and Liam nods, rests his head on Ant’s shoulder. He feels so small and fragile and weak, but he’s just glad he doesn’t have to be alone right now.

\--

Days pass and he hasn’t been back to the coffee shop. He hasn’t seen Zayn.  He hasn’t asked Ant or Danny about him and they haven’t said a word about him. He feels like everyone is tiptoeing around his feelings, and it makes him feel like a child, but he’s grateful for it. He’s so grateful.

He wants to go and talk to Zayn. He wants to find out why Zayn would do that to him. He wants to ask if he did anything wrong. He wants to grab Zayn’s face and kiss him on the mouth and never let him out of his sight, and knowing that he wants all of these things stresses him out, but he’s out the door.

He’s walking to the coffee shop and every inch of his body is trembling. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this nervous before in his life. He turns the corner, and Zayn is there, and Liam can’t breathe. They make eye contact and Liam lets out an involuntary noise, and he feels wounded. Zayn shoots him a look but there’s no emotion behind it. Behind Zayn’s eyes, there’s nothing, and Liam can’t read him.

Liam walks over, despite his mind chanting _NoNoNoNoNo_ , and the closer he gets, the more he feels like he’s going to throw up. He makes it to the door, and he keeps his distance, making sure to stay far away from Zayn’s personal space. “Can we um, can we talk?”

“It’s not really a good time right now.” Zayn responds, as he stomps out his cigarette.

“When will be a good time?” Liam begs.

“I don’t know, Liam.” He shrugs. “I really don’t know.” And he disappears back into the coffee shop.

Liam doesn’t follow him. He walks back home, he crawls back into his bed, and he cries himself to sleep.

\--

He doesn’t leave his room. He can hear that people are over, but he stays in bed. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone or see anyone. They try, and they try, and they try to get him out of bed, but he ignores them, hopes, _prays_ that they’ll go away.

Until he hears a particular voice at the other end.

“Open up, Li, it’s me.”

 _Ant_ , he thinks, _thank god it’s him._

“It’s open.” He says back, hoping it was loud enough to be heard.

He hears the door open, and a few footsteps across the hardwood floor, before he feels a dip in the bed next to him. “Look, Li, I know you don’t want to talk about it but we need to talk about Zayn.”

Liam pulls the blankets from over his face and Ant looks desperate, so he nods.

“It’s not your fault, Liam,” Ant says. “I don’t know what’s going on with him lately, but, fuck, he won’t talk to anybody. I tried to ask about what happened and he just shook his head, walked away from me. And now he won’t talk to anyone at all. He’s really upset but he won’t tell anyone why.” He continues, and Liam thinks, _good, he should be upset_. “I hate seeing you like this, Liam, you really don’t deserve this. What he did was shitty and you have every right to feel like this, but I hate it. You’re usually so happy, and seeing you like this is, fuck, it’s weird Liam.” Liam’s chest feels heavy and he feels like he’s going to cry. Ant is never sensitive like this, and the fact that Liam is the one dragging it out of him makes me feel warmer inside but he’s still cold. Still feels like his world is crumbling around him.

“What did I do wrong?” Liam asks, and he’s about to cry.

Ant only shakes his head. “Nothing,” he responds. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Liam.”

“Then why did he leave? I don’t – I just don’t understand, Ant, I don’t.”

“I don’t know why he left that night, Liam,” he says, and he has an apologetic look on his face. “Zayn’s just – I don’t know how to explain, he’s just different.” He continues, and Liam’s not quite sure he understands. “He’s unpredictable, and he gets scared really easily. But it wasn’t you, Liam. If it were you, he’d have said something to me or Danny, but when he’s not talking, that how we know that the problem is something that’s inside of him. It’s not you.”

“Is there anything,” Liam sighs, because he feels like an idiot. “Is there anything I can do?”

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do but just give him time.” Ant replies, and Liam doesn’t think that he’s quite satisfied with his answer. “If it’s supposed to happen, it’s going to happen. Get out and do something, come talk to us. You’ve just moved home and you’re spending all your time in bed, sulking because of some boy you just met.”

“Give him time,” Liam repeats, and Ant nods.

“Get out and do something,” Liam repeats, another nod.

“He’ll come around,” Ant says, and he sounds so sure that it makes Liam smile.

“Yeah?” Liam hopes.

“He’s my best mate,” Ant remarks. “I know him. He’ll come around.”

“Okay,” Liam muttered. “Okay.”

“Now get out of bed and get a shower, we’re going to dinner. You’re coming.”

Liam grumbles but does as he’s told. “Fine.” and he hurls a pillow at Ant as he leaves the room.

He showers and gets dressed, and when he leaves his room, he’s beaming. And everyone mirrors that. “Good to have you back, mate,” Louis says as he slings an arm around Liam’s shoulder.

 _Good to be back,_ he thinks, _it’s really good._

\--

“Liam,” He hears a voice break through his sleep. “Li, wake up.”

And suddenly he’s being shaken awake by bony hands, and he cracks his eyes open to see Eleanor beaming down at him. “El, what time is it?”

“It’s almost 7:30.” She says flatly. “Now get up and get showered, _now_ Liam.”

“Why would I possibly need to get up right now?” He groans.

“Harry got you a job interview at the book store where he works. You’ve got to be there in an hour.”

“Aaaaaaaaaaalright,” He says, but then he remembers. “Isn’t it next to the coffee shop?”

Eleanor sighs, and nods. “Yeah.”

“Great,” he mutters. “Well thanks for waking me up and telling me, El.”

“No problem, Li. Well I’ve got to go.” She speaks. “Good luck, Liam, love you!”

“Bye, love you!” And then he drags himself out of the bed and into the shower, and to his interview.

He walks by the coffee shop on his way to his interview and Zayn’s not outside. He can’t decide whether he’s more relieved or saddened by that, because he’s both, really.

He makes it through his interview and it goes so well that they offer him the job on the spot. “You can start tomorrow. Come in at 8 and I’ll give you your schedule then.”

He’s leaving and he’s so happy, that things are starting to turn around. That is until he walks out of the store and turns to see Zayn. He’s standing out front with a cigarette and he’s shaking, though it’s not cold outside, and that’s when Liam notices that he’s crying. He knows that he shouldn’t be doing what he’s about to do, _just give him_ time, but he does it anyway. He’s _walking, walking, walking_ , and then he stops in front of Zayn, reaches out to wipe the tears from his eyes. “Are you alright?”

And then Zayn’s grabbing him, shaking his head and burying his face in the crook of Liam’s neck, and he’s sobbing harder. Liam doesn’t know what’s happening but he doesn’t bother asking, only wraps his arms impossibly tighter around Zayn, and lets him cry.

Zayn settles down a bit and he pulls away, wipes his eyes and sniffles.

“Is it a good time to talk about it yet?” Liam asks warily, not sure if he should have.

“Fuck,” Zayn whispers, and tears are spilling out of his eyes again. “I don’t think I’m ready yet. I just, fuck, I’m really sorry, Liam.”

“Zayn, _please_ ,” Liam begs. “Please.”

And with that, Zayn’s shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Liam,” he says and his voice is strained. “I’ve got to get back to work now. I’m sorry, Liam. Really, I am so, so sorry.”

Zayn walks back into the coffee shop and Liam doesn’t have a grasp of what’s going on. Then Zayn looks back at him through the window and he’s got a wounded look on his face and Liam wants to cry.

He wonders how in such a short amount of time, Zayn has become so important to him. He wonders why Zayn hurt him, and yet Liam is still so concerned about Zayn’s happiness.

He wonders if he can ever forgive Zayn.

He thinks that maybe, he’s already forgiven him.


	4. Leap of Faith

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory rain scene because i watch too many romance movies and i'm a sappy fuck  
> \--this was a pain in the ass to write i really hope you like it i worked really hard on it okay--

Liam knows he should just go home, and try to forget all about what happened. But he can't. And he feels selfish because Zayn was visibly upset, sobbing out on the sidewalk for anyone to see, but all Liam can think is  _were those tears for me?_

He's trying to go back to his flat, but the more steps he takes, the more he can feel some pulling him in the other direction. And he knows he's being daft, because this is the last thing that he should be doing right now, but head be damned. He's turning around and sprinting towards Ant and Zayn's flat and he realizes that this is bloody ridiculous, but he doesn't stop, not until he's right outside the door.

He's pounding on the door relentlessly and when did he start crying? It's a minute of non-stop, violent knocks before  _fuck, what if he's not even home_ , he thinks,  _he has a job, you know, Liam, and a life._ But that's when Ant ans wers the door and he looks confused and saddened, and that's when Liam remembers that he's still crying and "I tried to give him time, really, I did."

And Ant's pulling him through the door and sitting him on the sofa, then sitting on the coffee table in front of him, waiting for Liam to explain himself. But when he realizes that Liam has apparently forgotten how to use his words, Ant's slapping him out of it. "Are you going to tell me what's going on, or are you just going to sit there and stare at me?"

"I tried to give him time, honestly. I'd just gotten out of an interview and I saw Zayn outside of the coffee shop and he was crying," Liam starts. "I knew I shouldn't have but I just walked over to him, and I asked if he was alright, and he just grabbed me. He started crying on me and I let him do it. Then he pulled away and I thought 'Maybe he's really to talk about it.' so I asked but he just told me he was sorry and walked back inside. And I really want to know what the hell is going on. Did something happen to him or something?"

Ant was staring intently, but somewhere midway through the story, his expression changed. And he looked shocked.

"What?" Liam inquires.

"Zayn doesn't cry over guys." Ant says, very matter-of-factly. "He just doesn't. Ever."

"Are you saying that he was crying because of me?"

"He talked to me this morning before he left for work," Ant responds, and Liam's really intrigued now. "He hasn't talked to me in days but he came into my room and woke me up this morning. Nothing else has happened, it's still just the same thing. I'm not going to say anything to you, but just, give him a little more time, yeah? He's just as confused as you are, Liam, but he'll come around."

And to that, Liam nods. And that's the end of it. "Okay."

"Do you want to stay for a little bit?" Ant asks. "I'll make you a cuppa."

"Yeah, please," Liam replies. "Yeah."

As Ant disappears into the kitchen, Liam's crying, harder this time.  _This is taking way too long_ , he thinks,  _but for Zayn, I think I'd wait forever_.

\--

Liam goes through the next couple weeks as if nothing had ever happened. He sees Zayn almost everyday when he walks to work, and they smile at each other, but they don't speak. He wants to say something but don't fucking push it, Liam, he thinks, he'll talk to you when he's ready.

He loves his job and he loves working with Harry, and it's a nice distraction from everything else. He doesn't think he's hurting anymore, not really, anyway. He spents most all of his free time with his friends, Ant and Danny included, of course. He doesn't mention Zayn and neither of them do either, and he's thankful for that. He doesn't want to talk about Zayn, really doesn't, doesn't want to be reminded that Zayn still hasn't spoken to him. Still hasn't told Liam "I can talk about it now." He really doesn't want to think about that.

He's walking to work one day and Zayn says hello. Liam tries to hide the ear to ear smile that's threatening to spread across his face, and he fails, but he says hello anyway. He thinks that maybe this is a sign that Zayn's starting to open up, that maybe he'll talk soon. He really hopes that it is. It goes like that for the next week, and they even sometimes have an exchange of "You alright?" and it doesn't go much further than that. Liam wishes it would, but for right now, he's fine with just this.

Until it stops.

\--

There's an entire week when Liam is walking to work and Zayn's not outside. He tries not to be disappointed.  _He doesn't always have to schedule his breaks around you_ , Liam thinks, _but I really wish he would._ The little interactions in the morning weren't a lot but they were enough for Liam. They were always a good start to his morning, to make him smile. And now he doesn't have those.

And he misses them a lot.

He's starting to lose hope of Zayn ever actually opening up to him. It's been a week since they've even made eye contact and Liam's going insane, and then one day his phone buzzes while he's in the middle of his shift and he knows he shouldn't check it, knows it's probably just from his mum, but he reaches into his pocket and checks it away. "He's leaving tomorrow, for Bradford." it reads, it's from Danny.

"How long?" Liam reluctantly types back.

"Indefinite."

Liam doesn't cry. He definitely doesn't walk away from the counter, and out of the store, and all the way back to his flat, and crawl into his bed, and cry. Except he does. He doesn't cry when he thinks about going down to the coffee shop and begging Zayn to stay, and Zayn saying "Okay", and everything being perfect. Except he does.

He doesn't cry when he pulls out his phone and opens up a new text message, addressed to Zayn, types out the word "Stay" and hits send. He really doesn't. Except when it's the next day when Zayn's supposed to be leaving and there's still no reply, that's when he cries. He curls in on himself and he's openly sobbing underneath his blankets and he doesn't want Zayn to mean this much to him, but he does, and he thinks that maybe Zayn means everything and that scares the life out of him.

All of his friends are here and he should be hanging out with them, but instead he's curled up in his bed crying over a boy he barely knows. And he feels so stupid. Eleanor apparently hears the sobs and she comes into his room, crawls into his bed but stays on top of the blankets, and she doesn't say a word. Not until Liam speaks up.

"You -- don't -- have to -- do -- this." he speaks between sobs and she simply shushes him, runs her hand soothingly up and down his forearm.

"Ant told us," She whispers. "I want to be here for you, we all do, alright?"

And Liam's crying more and he knows that he hadn't cried for a very long time until he moved back to Wolverhampton, before he met Zayn.

"We're all here for you." And she kisses his cheek and leaves the room. And that didn't have the same affect as it did the last time Eleanor crawled into his bed to comfort him and he doesn't know that anyone could make him feel better about this, and that makes him feel even worse. He feels hopeless.

\--

Liam wakes up one morning and he doesn’t feel okay anymore.

He tries and he tries to look at the bright side, but he can’t, and all he sees is Zayn. Zayn, the person he’s managed to fall for completely in such a short amount of time, and the person who left.

But not only that, when there’s a silence for too long, he can faintly hear a crying coming from somewhere out in the flat.

He opens his bedroom door and sees that no one else is here today, all at work, he remembers. He makes his way to Niall’s room and knocks, knows that he’s inside. After he doesn’t get an answer, he cracks the door a bit and looks over to see Niall under his blankets, and he’s crying. Liam makes his way over, sits down next to Niall, and pulls down his blankets. “Ni.”

Niall sniffles, and lets out a weak and forced, “Yeah?”

“Are you alright – you know – being here? In Wolverhampton?” Liam asks, and in the 3 years of them being best mates, Liam has never seen Niall cry. Not once, not a single tear. It’s strange and heartbreaking both at once and it makes Liam faintly feel like he’s going to cry now, too. He doesn’t.

“I’m fine here,” Niall responds. “I like it here. I have more friends here than I ever had in London, and I get to be here with you. Wherever you’re happy, I’m happy.” He continues. “Just miss my Da a bit.”

“Is that why you’re crying?” Liam guesses, but Niall shakes his head.

“He can come and visit whenever he wants to.” Niall shrugs. “I’m worried about you, Liam.” Niall states and Liam’s taken aback. _Niall’s crying over me_ , he thinks, _No, Niall’s crying for me, and that’s even worse_. “We came back here so that you could be happy and you’re not happy. I know you try to act like you’re happy, but we know you’re not. You hang out with us and you put on a happy face, but you don’t speak. Andy’s constantly upset because you haven’t spoken to him in days. He tries to talk to you and you just ignore him. He’s been your best mate forever, Liam, you can’t do that to him. Harry says that you never talk to him at work, or even acknowledge him. If you’re not going to be happy here because it reminds you too much of Zayn or something, then we can leave. Just say the word, and we’ll go.”

Liam goes to shake his head, but there’s something stopping him. Maybe the knowledge that really, he was miserable in London, but now he’s miserable in Wolverhampton too. “I’m not happy here.”

“Do you want to go back to London?” Niall asks.

“Not permanently,” Liam replies, because really, he doesn’t want to leave everyone here behind again, not forever. “Just for a little bit, a couple weeks, maybe. But I want to come back.”

“Then we’ll go. I just want to see you happy again, Li.” Niall responds, and Liam wants to, too. “You should maybe talk to Andy, though. Tell him what we’re doing, and apologize because you’ve been shitty to him. He leaves for work in an hour, so you should go. Now.”

“Yeah,” Liam mutters. “Yeah, okay.”

When Andy opens his door to find Liam standing in front of him, he looks shocked, which saddens Liam on a whole new level. _I really have been shitty_ , he thinks, _to the last person who deserved it._ So he captures Andy in a hug, which Andy returns. “I’m so fucking sorry, mate.”

“For what?” Andy inquires, but Liam knows he knows.

“Because I’ve been shitty to you. I didn’t realize that I’ve been ignoring you, and I’m sorry. You’re my best mate and you deserve that and I’m really sorry, alright?” Liam replies, and Andy’s nodding along.

“It’s alright. I get it.”

“No, you don’t get it, I don’t even get this, Andy.” Liam responds, and he’s so frustrated, not with Andy, but with himself. “I’m wallowing and I’m being shitty to my best mates because of some guy who, to be honest, I barely know. It’s not like I’m in love with him or anything.”

“Aren’t you, though?”

“No! No.” Liam demands, and he’s shocked that Andy would even suggest that. “I barely know him.”

“You know him well enough that when Ant and Danny told you that he likes you, you ran out on your own party when it had barely started.” Andy explains. “You know him well enough that when you saw him crying on the sidewalk, you just had to stop, had to make sure he was okay, even though he’d hurt you.” He continues. “You know him well enough that the moment he left for Bradford, you suddenly returned to your state of being a goddamn emotional cripple. Barely know him? Maybe, but you know him well enough that I can tell that this is definitely more than you lusting after him at this point. It may not be love but it’s something very closely resembling it, Liam.”

 _I’m not in love with Zayn Malik_ , he thinks, _Am I in love with Zayn Malik?_ And it kind of just slips out.

“Niall and I are going back to London.”

Andy’s silent for a few beats, he looks like he’s going to cry and Liam regrets just letting it slip out like that. He sees a tear slip out of Andy’s eye and roll down his cheek, and he so badly wants to take everything back, but he just speaks again. “It’s not permanent. Just a few weeks, maybe a month tops, just so I can recuperate.”

“You know, I was in a really shit place before you came back, Liam.” Andy speaks and Liam’s jaw drops. He’s never know Andy to be anything but a hyperactive, extra-cheery guy, and the thought of him being in a bad place makes Liam never want to let Andy out of his sight ever again. “I don’t know what had happened. It was probably when my mum moved away and just left me here with my dad and you know he and I have never gotten along.” Andy explains. “Like, I moved out and got a flat with Harry and things were better but they still weren’t the best. I’d never been depressed before my mum left. And then you came back and I was so happy to see you, and you brought Niall and he’s become one of my best mates, and it just seemed like things were turning around. Don’t get me wrong, Harry and Louis and Eleanor and Ant and Danny, I love them so much, they’re my best bates, but no one’s even known how to keep me level-headed like you have. You brought my head back above water, and I can’t, you can’t leave me again, Liam, please.” Andy begs and they’re both crying, but Liam can’t even consider staying. It hurts too much.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me all of that?” Liam chokes out.

“Didn’t really think it mattered,” Andy shrugs. “You were here and that was all that mattered.”

The words cut through Liam like a knife. He never knew just how much he meant to Andy, how important he was, and it hurts a bit. He can’t leave Andy here, not like this. He’s almost afraid to leave him here like this. “Come with us, then.” Liam says.

“I can’t,” Andy replies, and he’s still crying, Liam notes. “I have a job.”

“You’ve had that job since before I even left the first time,” Liam points out. “I’m sure it’ll still be waiting for you when you come back.”

“What about everyone else?” Andy inquires.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine with just each other for a few weeks,” Liam says. “Just come with us. I can’t leave you here, Andy, not like this, alright? Just come with us, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Andy sighs. “Yeah, alright.”

\--

It’s two nights later, and they’re all set and ready to leave. Everyone had been over at their flat all day, trying to make the most of the time they still had together before they left for a while.

They were just about to leave when there was a banging at the door. Not just a knock, a _banging._

Liam had no idea who it could have been, since everyone was already there. Who could be so impatient to see him? He walks over to the door, and he’s shocked to see who’s standing there in front of him.

_Zayn._

He stares back at Ant, then over to Danny, as if looking for an explanation. They only shrug.

He turns back to Zayn, and he’s completely soaked from the rain that’s been coming down all day, and Liam thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. He can tell from the redness in Zayn’s eyes that he’s been crying, too, which threatens to brings tears to Liam’s eyes but they don’t arise, not yet.

“I thought you were in Bradford.” Liam breathes.

“I was,” Zayn trembles. “I was but then Danny called me and told me you were leaving. I packed up all my shit and I sped home. I was at my flat just now and I thought I had more time and I was trying to write you something but then Ant texted and said that if I didn’t get down here now I’d lose my chance. That scared the shit out of me so I just ran all the way here and I was so worried you’d be gone by the time I got here. So I didn’t get to finish this poem and it was a piece of shit anyway and it got ruined by the stupid rain…” Zayn pulls a sopping wet scrap of paper out of his pocket and hands it to Liam, and all the ink is smudged and Liam can’t make out a thing it says, but a tear slips from his eye anyway. “And you don’t have to forgive me because fuck, I don’t think I would, but I couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving without me telling you how I really feel about you. I thought I’d have more time to digest all of this but I don’t and I didn’t think I was ready but when the thought of you leaving and me never getting the chance to say this to you, I decided I need to take this leap of faith now or never, and I know that we barely know each other and this is probably going to be too soon and it’s probably going to scare you away but I honestly don’t care anymore.”

Liam thinks he knows what Zayn wants to say, he hopes he does, so he grabs Zayn’s hand. “Say it.”

Zayn ducks his head and shies away and Liam thinks it may be the cutest thing he’s ever seen in his entire life, but he won’t tell Zayn that. Zayn sniffles and then he’s speaking. “I knew you were something special the moment you walked into the coffee shop that morning.” Zayn says, and Liam’s staring intently, holding on to every single word. “You were interested and I didn’t understand, because you’re a ray of sunshine and I’m the darkest cloud in the sky on the rainiest day and it didn’t make sense to me.” He continues. “I was just waiting for someone to tell me it’s all a big joke, but you just care so much all the time and it confused me, so I got scared, and I ran away. And that was the wrong way to go about it.” And now Liam feels tears slipping and he sees that Zayn’s are flowing freely and nothing really matters anymore. “I still remember the exact date you came into the coffee shop that first time. July 3rd. And it’s been 41 days since then and we still know next to nothing about each other and I know it seems like it’s too early to tell, but I just know.” And then Zayn speaks the most beautiful words that Liam has ever heard. “I think I love you, Liam, and I really don’t want you to go.”

And Liam thinks, _yeah, I think it’s okay for me to admit to myself now that I love him too_ , and he does admit it to himself. He doesn’t say it out loud though, doesn’t think he has to, he just lets his actions speak for him when he grabs the sides of Zayn’s face and forces their lips together. It’s not a battle for dominance when Liam forces his tongue into Zayn’s mouth and Zayn just lets out a whimper, but happily obliges. It’s only after they can no longer breathe properly that Liam pulls away, but he keeps his hands on Zayn’s head and they’re still so close that they’re exchanging air between each other’s mouths and Zayn’s smiling so wide that Liam can’t help but smile too and _yeah, this definitely feels right_.

“Nauseating,” He hears Louis say from behind them. “I’m gonna vomit.”

Then he hears someone hiss “Lou!” and he knows it’s Eleanor, then he turns around to face everyone, and they’re all staring at him, but they all have smiles spread across their faces.

“I think I’m gonna stay,” he reports. “If that’s okay with everyone that I stay.”

“Thank God,” Niall sighs. “I didn’t want to go.” Andy nods in agreement and Liam beams.

Liam then turns back to Zayn and he looks happy, but uneasy, so Liam leans over and kisses him again, this time softer. “Here,” he offers, recapturing Zayn’s hand. “Let’s get you some dry clothes, yeah?”

Zayn nods, and he’s squeezing Liam’s hand so tight and following so closely to Liam’s body that it’s as if Zayn thinks Liam will float away if he strays too far. 

Liam's searching through his closet for anything that would possibly fit onto Zayn's slender frame without falling right off, and while he's doing that Zayn's stripping off his clothes and coming up behind Liam and wrapping his arms around his middle, placing little open-mouthed kisses on his neck and shoulders, whispering "I love you" between pecks, and Liam's happy. He's really happy here, just like this.

Liam settles for a pair of sweatpants that he has no idea why he owns them anymore, seeing as they haven't fit him since he was 14 years old, and a Batman t-shirt that is most definitely a size too big but Liam can't be arsed to search any longer. Zayn slips on the clothes and Liam tries to desperately not to groan at the sight. And then Liam's grabbing his hand, trying to guide him back out into the living room, but Zayn's feet stay planted. "Wait a minute."

"Hmm?"

"Do your friends hate me?" Zayn asks, and he looks genuinely concerned. "Because of all the shit that's been going on, are they gonna hate me?"

"Depends. Can you promise me that you're not playing some sick joke on me this time?" Liam jokes, because he knows, he can tell that that's not what this is.

"It's not a joke. Definitely, definitely not a joke." Zayn confirms.

"Then they'll love you," Liam says, and seals it with a kiss. "Because they're my best mates, and I do."

Then they walk out into the living room and everyone's smiling, and they take a seat on the sofa, curled into each other, and everything finally feels complete. And as everyone welcomes Zayn with open arms because _if you're important to Liam then you're important to us_ , he notes that he really does have the best mates that anyone could possibly ever ask for, and he's reminded every day. 

He thinks this might be everything that he'll ever need to be okay, and he doesn't need to go anywhere if things are going to be this way.


	5. Anything for You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was gone for a few days without internet so I had a lot of time to write this without distractions. I'm rather proud of it.

Liam wakes up the next morning and he wants to cry.

There's no dip in the bed next to him, because most of the weight is on top of him. They're a tangle of limbs and Zayn's lips are pressed to Liam's neck in his sleep and Liam can't believe that this is real. He feels like he needs to be pinched, or slapped across the face a few times, because this seems too good to be true. He really stayed this time, Liam thinks, this wasn't a joke, this wasn't a dream, he's here.

Liam runs his hands through Zayn's soft hair, placing little kisses on the top of his head until Zayn stirs awake, whines, and rolls off of Liam. Liam takes this as an opportunity to snuggle up behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around Zayn's middle. "Good morning."

Zayn sighs dramatically, which makes Liam's mouth spreads into a grin, and he doesn't loosen his grip.

"What time is it?" Zayn grumbles.

"It's almost 7:30. Do you have work today?"

"Well, my boss doesn't know I'm back from Bradford," Zayn responds. "So I'm not gonna tell him today. Do you?"

"No," Liam says. "Harry's probably gonna tell our boss that I'm not in London so I don't need to take all the time off that I thought I did, but I wouldn't have had to work today anyway."

"Brilliant." And with that, Zayn's rolling over so he and Liam are chest to chest. He's nuzzling his face into Liam's neck and Liam thinks he could stay like this forever. "Can we go back to sleep then?"

"No, I want to get up!" Liam exclaims, and he's jumping out of bed, and then reaching out for Zayn's hand. "Come on, I'll make us some coffee."

Zayn accepts his hand and follows him towards the bedroom door, but replies, "I don't drink coffee."

Liam turns around and squints at him. "You work in a coffee shop."

"Well, I also have rent to pay." Zayn shrugs.

"I guess that’s fair enough." Liam replies and he's pulling Zayn closer to his body and leading him to the sofa, kissing him chastely before sitting him down. "Do you want some tea, then?"

Zayn nods, and Liam’s heading to the kitchen. As he's making the tea, he can faintly hear Zayn singing while flipping through the channels on the television. He can't make out what song it is, but he's still convinced that it's the most beautiful thing he's ever heard in his entire life. He catches himself stealing glances at Zayn every few seconds, and it's wonderful, really. The way Zayn looks sitting on Liam's sofa, wearing Liam's clothes. Zayn looks like he's meant to be there, and yeah, it's really wonderful.

He rushes through making their tea just so he can get back over there to Zayn. He sets their cups on the table, where he's sure that at least his is going to stay, neglected. He sits down in the corner of the couch and Zayn curls into his side, and it seems almost as if it was on instinct, to which Liam has to fight back a grin. This is my life now, he thinks, this is actually my life.

They sit in silence, other than their breathing and occasional quick kisses, until Zayn breaks the silence. He speaks so low, and his face is buried so far in Liam's chest, that he almost doesn't catch it. "Hey, Li?"

"Yeah?" Liam replies, softly stroking Zayn's hair.

"I don't want this to be nothing, you know." Zayn replies, and Liam chuckles, because, obviously.

"Neither do I." Liam adds.

"You know what I mean, though? I don't want this to be one of those things where we both know how we feel about each other, but we don't put a label on it. I've never really liked labels, but with you, I don't think I'd mind." Zayn speaks, and Liam can feel his heart near beating out of his chest.

"Yeah," He breathes. "So what do you want our label to be?"

"I want to be your boyfriend." Zayn replies, and he's ducking his head like he's embarrassed, and Liam's grabbing his chin and tilting Zayn's head up so he can look him in the eyes.

"And I want you to be my boyfriend." Liam beams, and he's more than pleased with how it feels flowing off his lips. Like this is how it always should have been. Like it's everything he's ever wanted, and everything he'll ever need. And he loves this feeling, being here with Zayn, and he seals that with a kiss. "I want nothing more."

Then Zayn's leaning up and kissing him hard, and soon they're in that same tangle of limbs and it feels right. Liam thinks that everything will feel right, just as long as he's got Zayn. Liam's used to being in a hurry, but right now time feels frozen and he's okay with that. And that's when Zayn's pushing Liam onto his back and traveling down his body and Liam's mouth is dry, jaw locked. Zayn's reaching for the waistband of Liam's boxer-briefs and Liam trembles, "Zayn, you don't have to."

"I want to," Zayn says. "Consider this an apology, for acting like a prick, and a thank you, for giving me a second chance." And then Zayn's pulling off his boxer-briefs and tossing them on the floor in one swift motion, and the lust in Zayn's eyes makes Liam groan and throw his head back.

Zayn wastes no time wrapping a hand around Liam's shaft and working it up and down at a quick pace, then pulling back the foreskin and lowering himself so he can suck at the head. He looks up at Liam through half-lidded eyes, and Liam doesn't think he's ever going to get used to this feeling, doesn't think he'll ever get used to Zayn being here. Zayn's sinking his head lower and lower onto Liam until he's taken the entire thing and Liam thinks he's about to pass out. He's gotten blowjobs before, but none like this. None where he's ever felt like it's more than just sexual, it's raw emotion, and it's everything, and it's perfect. None from Zayn. He tangles his fingers in Zayn's hair and with the way that Zayn doesn't even struggle and is so eager for Liam is enough by itself to make Liam let out a strangled moan. "Zayn...I'm gonna..."

And with that, Zayn pulls off, shakes his head, and strips himself of all his clothes, and Liam's got a puzzled look on his face until Zayn crawls back up his body, gets dangerously close to Liam's ear and whispers, "In me." And Liam's nodding like it's life or death and flinging his shirt across the room and fuck, he thinks, fuckfuckfuck.

Zayn's straddling Liam's thighs and sucking on 3 of Liam's fingers but he's getting impatient. "Hurry, hurry, hurry" and he's taking his fingers from Zayn's mouth and moving one down to his entrance, and pushing in. Zayn tips his head back in a moan and Liam just wants to bite him. So he does. He sits up and pulls Zayn close to himself, and sucks marks all over Zayn's neck to distract him while his fingers work in and out and Zayn lets out strangled moans. He's adding a second finger, scissoring him open, then finally a third. "Lube. Bedside table. Top drawer. Hurry." And he's lifting Zayn off of him and pushing him towards the bedroom, before he's laying back and jerking his cock a few times, and he thinks he could come right now.

And then Zayn's back, almost sprinting towards Liam, and straddling his thighs again. He's working a generous amount over Liam's cock, then lifting himself up, and sinking himself back down. He opens his mouth in a silent moan and Liam thinks he's never looked more beautiful than he does right now. Zayn's fucking himself down on his cock and Liam forgets to move. He just wants to watch him, watch the way his mouth opens like he wants to make a noise but just closes it again. But then Liam decides he needs to be closer, so much closer. So he sits up and pulls Zayn closer and he's thrusting in and out and now Zayn's moaning unabashedly. "Mmf, Li, harder, harder, please babe, faster, please, please."

So Liam speeds up, and he's thrusting in and out at a ruthless pace and Zayn's stilled. He's got an impossibly tight grip on Liam's back and his legs are wrapped around Liam's waist and he's biting into Liam's shoulder like he wants to eat him. Liam only lets up slightly to lift Zayn's head and look him in the eye, "You alright?"

And Zayn moans, loud and unabashed, like he's been holding it in, and then he's nodding furiously and ducking his head back down, burying his face in Liam's neck, letting out little grunts, and little breathless "yeah"s and "right there"s with every thrust of Liam's hips. "Touch me, Li. Touch me, touch me, touch me."

He was pumping Zayn's cock at a brutal pace while still thrusting in and out and Zayn was a wreck on top of him. Going from gasping to grunting to moaning to screaming and, "Gonna come for me, Zayn, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" and after a few more pumps, Zayn was coming between them with a shout of Liam's name, and little whispered "I love you"s as he continued to bounce up and down on Liam's cock, coaxing him to come. That's what sent Liam right over the edge, releasing his load inside of Zayn.

And then there they are, back in that tangle of limbs that seems to fit them so well, and their breathing is labored while Zayn presses wet, open-mouthed kisses to Liam's chest and Liam strokes a hand up and down Zayn's back. And Liam feels content here, and safe, like everything's going to be okay as long as he's right here, as long as he’s with Zayn. And he knows it would sound stupid to anyone else, that this boy who he met less than 2 months ago has become such an important person in his life, but he doesn’t care. Liam doesn’t quite know what being in love feels like, but he’s pretty sure it must feel something like this, and he smiles. But then his phone's ringing on the table behind them and he doesn't want to answer it, but he does. And he picks up his phone to see Niall's name and thinks, oh fuck. And he doesn't even get a chance to say hello before "You still have a flat mate, who is very much at home, and who was very much trying to sleep. You absolute fucking wankers." and then he's hanging up. And they're in a fit of giggles, and they somehow don't care that Niall just heard them having sex.

"Hey," Liam whispers after a few minutes of silence. "Am I ever gonna get to read that poem you wrote me? The one that got ruined by the rain, am I ever gonna get to know what it said?"

"It was a shit poem," Zayn replies, lifting his head to press his lips to Liam's neck. "But if you really want to, maybe I’ll read it to you someday."

And because of that promise, Liam is all smiles when he's grabbing Zayn's hand, and their scattered clothes along the way, and heading into the bedroom to go back to sleep. Neglecting their cups of tea, just as Liam has suspected.

\--

Liam doesn’t think he’ll ever quite get tired of Zayn looking at him with something in his eyes that so closely resembles love. It’s not lust anymore – definitely not. And Liam looks at him the same.

\--

It’s been a week and Liam can’t quite say that Zayn lives here now, but everyone else is convinced that he does. He can tell by the way Andy comes out of the bathroom, acknowledging that there are 3 toothbrushes in there now, and a can of hairspray that they know doesn’t belong to either Niall or Liam.

He can tell by the way that Eleanor takes note of all the sketchbooks lying around, and the classic novels and books of short stories and poems, that _everyone_ knows would never belong to Niall or Liam.

They’re not living together, Liam won’t say it and neither will Zayn, but Ant will chime in, noting that Zayn hasn’t been back to their flat for more than an hour since that night when everything changed.

Liam thinks that if Zayn actually did want to live here, he wouldn’t mind it.

Waking up every morning for the past seven days with Zayn curled up in his arms has been lovely, in a safe and comforting sort of way, and he doesn’t think that he ever wants to lose that.

Zayn’s become a staple in their group over the past week and it makes Liam feels like he’s suffocating in the most wonderful way. They’re all friends with Zayn just as much as they’re friends with Liam and it warms his heart more than anything ever has before, though Liam wonders how Ant has been flat mates with Zayn for an entire year and never even bothered to try to incorporate him into their friend group. _Pretty shit mate_ , they all tell him, but he just laughs it off like he does with almost everything else.

Liam doesn’t ask Zayn to move in that day, he just presents him with a spare key, hoping he’ll accept it. Zayn smiles, taking the key from Liam and giving Liam a small kiss on the mouth, one that lingers just a little bit, before he leaves for work, walking out the door with a wink, that same wink from that first day at the coffee shop. It’s a normal thing now, but it still makes Liam feel short of breath. This is happiness.

Liam's birthday is coming up and Liam’s unbelievably happy that he gets to spend it with all of his best mates, and the man he loves, in the town that he knows better than any other, and that knows him.

\--

Louis is walking towards Liam with the lit-up birthday cake, he’s sure they’re trick candles because this is Louis Tomlinson, and Liam has no idea what to wish for. He has everything he needs right here.

All of Liam’s mates are here – Niall, Louis, Eleanor, Harry, Ant, Danny, and _Zayn_ – and even Liam’s parents came ( _“Don’t worry, Zayn, I promise they’ll love you”_ and they do, they really do, his mom so fascinated in everything Zayn has to say because that’s how Zayn is, he’s so intelligent and interesting and lovely and _Liam’s_ ) and they even brought Niall’s dad along, which has Niall smiling like an idiot the minute he sees his father step through the door.

Liam could wish that Harry finally gets up the nerve to speak to that girl who’s been coming into the bookstore for weeks and he’s been ogling over, but hasn’t even bothered to find out her first name. Liam could wish that Louis and Eleanor’s wedding in a few weeks is beautiful and perfect, because Eleanor’s been a ball of stress for a while and she deserves her dream wedding, more than anyone else in the entire world deserves it, Liam thinks. Liam could wish that Niall stops joke-flirting with the girl he sees sat in the corner table at all of his acoustic sets at the coffee shop and just makes a move already. Liam would wish that Andy gets better, gets happier, but he doesn’t; Andy made a point to tell Liam the other day that he’s feeling a lot better about everything and Liam’s glad, because he needs cheery Andy in his life, nothing less. Liam thinks that making his wish about Zayn would be silly, and all-to cliché, and he also knows that he doesn’t need to, because he already has everything he could ever want or need with Zayn.

He just blows out his candles, struggling a little because yeah, they’re trick candles just as he’d expected they would be. He wishes that everything works out for everyone because that’s what he wants. He wants Niall and Harry to stop being pussies and get the girls that they know they want. He wants Eleanor to have her perfect wedding that she’s been dreaming about since she was a little girl. He wants Andy to stay happy, because Liam needs him that way. He wants Ant and Danny to stay out of trouble like they have been. He wishes for everyone, except for he and Zayn, because he knows that he doesn’t need to. Because everything’s perfect, just how it should be.

Zayn’s got a death grip on Liam’s hand beneath the table, and it should hurt but it doesn’t because it’s Zayn. “Happy birthday, love” he whispers and Liam doesn’t think that a whisper of 3 words from his boyfriend should make him want to pass out, and it doesn’t really, it’s just that one word. _Love_. And then he’s whispering again, “I love you so much.” And Liam’s a little light-headed and overwhelmed by how he feels whenever Zayn’s by his side, but he’s smiling still, pressing a kiss to Zayn’s lips because he loves this, he loves being here with all of the people who he loves and everything has become so perfect that he feels like he’s still dreaming every single time he wakes up in the morning.

Liam got loads of great presents that he loved. Harry got him a Batman box set that he may fanboy a little bit too much over. Louis and Eleanor get him a joint gift – because they’ve spent so much money lately on their wedding, Liam assumes – but they still got him a watch that’s absolutely beautiful and looks wildly expensive and just screams _Louis Tomlinson_. Niall got him a present that he’s sure he only got him because wants to use it and he knows Liam won’t like it much, and this is his 4 th birthday of them being best mates and it’s almost too expected at this point.

But what Zayn got him was the greatest gift of all, though he won’t say that to anyone else. Liam unwrapped the very neatly wrapped gift to find a leather-bound book – it’s so lovely and Liam’s sure there’s some special meaning behind this. “I wrote 17 poems from the day I first met you, to the day I came here and I told you that I love you. Only 17 poems total, but they were all about you, every single one of them.” Zayn starts. “They were all either written on scrap sheets on paper or tea-stained napkins. I saw this book in a shop near my mum’s house in Bradford and I just had to buy it. It reminded me a lot of you, a bit too serious but a bit _too_ beautiful. I didn’t know what I’d do with it because I never really write in notebooks, too formal, but then somehow I got you and then I felt like I needed to do this. Because you deserve to see all of these, every single one of them, because I don’t know how to tell you out loud in words just how much you mean to me, but these poems can do that.” Zayn finishes, before adding. “There are 18 poems in here. The 18th one is the one I wrote on the night I sped home from Bradford to see you. I remembered it by heart and I remembered last night that I just had to add it. I told you it was a shit poem, and it is, but it was the only one I wrote in a rushed moment of absolute necessity for some sort of outlet and I think it expresses my love for you best, and I know it means a lot to you, because you always say so.”

Liam wants to cry. How did he get so lucky? He turns to the 18th poem, but he doesn’t read it, just hands the book over to Zayn. “You have to read it to me, Zayn, out loud. You told me you would.”

“In front of everyone?” Zayn sighs. “It’s a shit poem, Li.”

“I don’t think that anything you do could ever be shit, Zayn.” Liam insists. “Please.”

Zayn sighs out an _Anything for you_ and he starts reading, and Liam’s staring and listening so intently and hanging on to every word, because these are Zayn’s words. Zayn wrote this for _him_. He’s overwhelmed.

 _A smile_  
Like the brightest summer day  
Eyes just like the honey in my tea  
Lips like morphine  
And a heart of gold  
More special than anyone I know  
And I just had to know you  


It goes on for 5 more stanzas, more beautiful with every word, and Zayn’s crying when he finishes reading. Liam is too and he can see out of the corner of his eye that Eleanor and his mum are tearing up as well. Everyone else is cooing except for Niall and Louis, making gagging sounds because they’re assholes. _Typical_.

Liam leans in close, whispering something that’s just for them on to Zayn’s lips. “I love you.” And then Liam’s kissing him nice and slow, hoping to show Zayn that the poem meant a lot to him before, but even more so now. He doesn’t care that everyone’s watching them snog because this is his Zayn, and this is important, and he’s so unbelievably happy. Zayn’s whispering it back once they pull away and he feels like he just died and ascended into heaven. That’s what Zayn does to him, really.

“Thank you for making my son happy,” he hears his mom say to Zayn several minutes later once they’ve all dispersed. She’s hugging him so tight and Liam feels bad for him, really, but he signed up for this shit. “I’ve never seen him this happy. Thank you.”

Liam can make out Zayn’s reply, just barely, but it’s enough. “He’s the one who made me happy. I’ll be thanking him every single day for the rest of my life for giving me this.”

Then Harry and Zayn are then off chatting to Liam’s dad and they’re all smiling – which warms Liam’s heart in an unbelievable way, seeing his boyfriend and his dad getting along so well and he’s become almost accustomed to the warmth in his heart because it’s become such a regular thing now that Zayn’s in the picture. Liam will be sure to thank Harry later, because Liam is sure that without a push, Zayn would have never spoken more than the necessary amount of words to Liam’s dad out of pure anxiety. Niall has planted himself next to the cake which is a surprise to a total of zero people because, really, it’s Niall. Louis and Andy are teaching Niall’s dad how to play FIFA – that man really can make friends anywhere he goes, can’t he? He hears him mum and Eleanor chatting about the wedding and his mum is cooing, because just as much as Liam knew that Louis and Eleanor would end up together, so did everyone else. And Liam’s wandering, chatting to everyone but mostly just observing, taking in how perfect and how _natural_ this all feels. Liam lives in a dream world now, and he’s very much okay with it.

His life with his friends, with his family, with Zayn. It all fits like Liam could have never imagined it would.

And later on that night while they’re in bed, after everyone’s left, and Zayn slides into Liam – “It’s your day, let me take care of you tonight” – everything feels unbelievably different, but just the way that it should be, just the way Liam wants it to be. Liam’s never had someone want to take care of him, not in this way, not someone so beautiful, so loving, so perfect for Liam in every single way. He’s really glad that Zayn finally stopped running, because now that Liam knows this feeling, he doesn’t know what he’d ever do without it. Zayn is thrusting in and out and Liam feels like crying. Not because he’s in pain (Though he is a little bit. Never been on this end of it before – Always been the one doing the fucking, never the one getting fucked), but because he honestly can’t believe that this is his life, that this is all his, and he lets one, two, three tears slip from his eyes and Zayn stills on top of him.

“Are you okay, babe?” Zayn asks, wiping the tears from Liam’s cheeks. “Do you need me to stop?”

“No! No.” Liam insists. “Don’t stop, Zayn, please. I’m fine, just, I need you. Please.”

 “Okay.” Zayn responds, and then he’s picking up his pace again, while still wiping the tears that are flowing from Liam’s eyes. “Anything for you.”

And Liam’s nodding, still crying because no matter how much he wants to stop, he just can’t. He’s so overwhelmed with this feeling of love and happiness and he doesn’t know that he’ll ever stop crying, but he’s got a smile on his face and he’s clawing at Zayn’s back in a way that he’s sure will make it clear that yeah, he really does want this. He wants nothing more than he wants this, right here, right now.

And Zayn’s staring down at Liam with the happiest look on his face, and he looks so proud, and Liam thinks that maybe this means just as much to Zayn as it means to him. Then Zayn’s ducking down and kissing Liam hard on the mouth. “I love you so much, Liam.” And all that Liam can do is nod, hopes that Zayn understands by now that that’s Liam’s way of saying “I love you too” when he can’t physically speak. He can’t form words at all and he’s on the verge of full-blown sobbing, but this is perfect. Right here, right now, everything is perfect.

Liam’s coming with a silent cry all over his stomach and chest, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d think that his voice box has actually stopped working. Then Zayn’s coming too, collapsing on top of Liam and letting his breathing even out before he’s pulling out, tying off the condom, and tossing it in the bin.

“Thank you, Zee.” Liam whispers to Zayn, whose head is now lying on his chest.

“Anything for you, Li.” Zayn whispers into his chest, splaying his fingers across it. “Anything for you.”

They sit in silence for too long, Liam thinks. No noise but the quiet sounds of their breathing, and Zayn placing small kisses to Liam’s chest every few seconds. Everything is silent and still for at least another ten minutes before Liam hears, no, _feels_ that Zayn is crying. It’s soft and barely noticeable, but Liam notices because he’s still sometimes afraid that if he doesn’t pay close enough attention to Zayn that he’ll float away somehow. Liam can’t have that happening. “Zee, don’t cry.” Liam worries. “Come up here.” And then Zayn’s shuffling a little, until he’s face to face with Liam and the look in his eyes makes Liam want to cry, too, but he doesn’t. Just wipes the tears from his cheeks because that’s what Zayn had done for him. _Anything for you, Zee_ , he thinks, _anything for you_. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Zayn looks up at Liam and he sniffles. Liam has seen tears in Zayn’s eyes before, but he’s never actually heard him cry, he’s never seen him full out crying. Liam thinks he still looks beautiful, maybe even more beautiful, but he won’t tell Zayn that.

“I never thought I’d get a chance at this, you know,” Zayn muttered. “I never thought I’d get a chance to be this happy, never really thought I deserved it.” Liam wants to laugh at that, he does, but he doesn’t do it. He doesn’t want Zayn to get the wrong impression from it. He just knows that out of everyone he’s ever met, Zayn is one of the people who most deserve to be this happy. He doesn’t know why Zayn doesn’t see that, but he lets him continue without saying anything yet. “Before I met you, I fucked around a lot. I did it, I think, to fill some void that’s inside of me. I felt like that’s all I really deserved. I deserved the body on top of me, but I didn’t deserve _this_.” Zayn continues, pointing to their bodies. He doesn’t know if Zayn means the fact that they’re cuddling right now, or if he means the love that they share. He thinks he might mean both, but he doesn’t ask. Zayn deserves both, he does. “I’m just dull. And I’m angsty all the time and I shouldn’t be because, fuck, I’m 20 years old, shouldn’t my teen angst be gone by this point?” Liam does laugh at that, and he knows he’s allowed because Zayn’s grinning at him and it’s still the loveliest thing that Liam has ever seen. “I’m nothing special, and you’re everything special and the fact that you want me, that you _love_ me, it still baffles me and overwhelms me every day.”

Zayn’s tears are free flowing now and Liam doesn’t know what to say, so he kisses Zayn hard while he tries to think of something – anything that will suffice.

“You deserve this.” Liam says plainly. “You deserve every good thing you have. Me? You deserve me, you definitely do. Sometimes I think you deserve better, but I haven’t told you that, because I don’t want you to find better. Because I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Liam continues and now he’s crying but he doesn’t quite care. He wants Zayn to understand just how much he means every word he’s saying. “You deserve more than just meaningless sex. If you need someone to fill that void, I’ll always be more than happy to do that for you. And _this_ ,” Liam says, pointing between the two of them – though Liam still doesn’t quite know what Zayn had meant by ‘this’, but he knows he’ll mean what he says, whatever ‘this’ had meant to Zayn. “You deserve this. You’re so special and I knew that from the first moment I saw you. The moment I walked into that coffee shop and I saw you, I knew, alright? You were brooding but you shined so bright even through all of that. Plus, I rather like your angst.” He jokes.

“Yeah?” Zayn asks, like he’s not quite sure he believes him, and Zayn’s got a look in his eyes that he doesn’t quite think he’s ever seen in Zayn and it’s beautiful. Everything Zayn does is beautiful, he thinks.

Liam simply nods, reaching down to twine their fingers together. “That night that you came here, and you were soaking wet from the rain, and you told me you thought it all was a joke that I was interested in you because I’m a ray of sunshine and you’re the darkest cloud in the sky on a rainy day,” Liam starts. “I wanted so badly to laugh at you because you were dead wrong, Zayn.” Liam demands. “You may not be a ray of sunshine but you’re so much more than that to me.”

Zayn’s staring at Liam so intently, like he’s hanging on to every word, like all the words that leave Liam’s mouth are the most important words that have ever been spoken. Liam feels light-headed at the thought that his words are so important to Zayn, but he continues anyway. “I remember when I was younger, before I ever moved away to London, and I’d run away from home sometimes, just for a little bit. We lived just on the edge of the city so it wasn’t too far but we felt like we were being so rebellious, and maybe we were, for a bunch of kids who were either not teenagers yet or just barely, Lou’s always been the oldest of our friends and he was just 13 or 14 then. We’d all go – Me, Lou, Ant, Danny, Andy, Harry, sometimes El – we’d all go and we’d get far enough away from the city that we could lay out and the stars would all be so bright, so much brighter than they were inside the city with all the lights around. There was one star in particular that I liked, it was my favorite, it shined brighter than all the rest, and that’s what you are to me. I may be a ray of sunshine, but you’re the brightest star in the sky, on a peaceful night on the outskirts of the city. That’s what you are, Zee. You’re my star.”

Zayn squeezes Liam’s hand anymore and he’s not so much crying anymore. You can’t hear it but Liam sees that there are still tears flowing. “You’re soft.” Zayn comments. “Are you sure I deserve you?”

Liam shrugs. “Maybe, but even if you don’t, that doesn’t change the fact that I love you so much and I’m not going to let you leave me."

Zayn scrunches up his nose at that, mouthing the word _soft_ before leaning in and kissing Liam, long and hard. “I love you, Liam. I’d never dream of it.” And Liam’s glad, because he wouldn’t dream of it either.


	6. We Could Have This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a epilogue, then this fic is done. Don't worry though, I'll be starting a new chaptered fic immediately, and some one shots!

Liam didn't realize how lovesick they were until they both went back to working everyday, away from each other for hours.

Zayn's the last one of them to get off work that day, mumbling something under his breath as he enters the flat, sliding in between Liam and Harry on the couch.

"Missed you." he whispers into the crook of Liam's neck, as he snuggles into his boyfriend's side.

"We ate lunch together 4 hours ago." he replies, and then Zayn's swatting at him and it's all-too endearing how much Zayn acts like a child sometimes.

"Not enough. Wanna be with you all the time." Zayn grumbles and the biggest smile is breaching Liam's face. Just when he thinks Zayn can't get any cuter, he does.

"Okay," Liam replies, hugging Zayn closer and kissing him on the top of his head because he doesn't have the heart, or the energy, to tell Zayn that they  _can't_ be together all the time. He wants the same thing, too.

"Oi, lovebirds!" Andy interjects, and it's only then that Liam realizes that he and Zayn are actually in a room full of other people. No, they're not by themselves right now and yes, they are being ridiculous. "We get that you've gone a whole of 2 seconds without seeing each other but I'm sure you can be nauseating later and pay attention to your mates too now, yeah?"

"It's been 4 hours, actually." Zayn replies and Liam digs his fingers into Zayn's arm as a way of saying  _you're not helping._ "Ow!"

"Just stop while you're ahead, babe." Liam jokes, but Zayn's frowning which breaks his heart a bit, so he's kissing his frown away. "I love you."

\--

It's 2 weeks until Louis and Eleanor's wedding. Zayn is the only person in their group of friends who isn't in the wedding party, and somehow Zayn is also the only person in their group of friends who doesn't feel like shit about that.

Louis had brought it up to Eleanor (" _But babe, he's just as much our best friend as everyone else is, how is it fair that he can't be a groomsman?_ ") And Eleanor had a panic attack because Louis doesn't know how to go about things correctly, obviously. And in a fit of tears, Eleanor explains that as much as she'd love for Zayn to be in the wedding party, it's on too short notice and she'd need to find another bridesmaid. And she can have him moved to their table at the reception and "We really do love you, Zayn, god, I'm sorry" and Zayn was the one who had to calm her down. Not Louis, the one who started this whole mess.

"It's fine, El, really. It's enough that I get to go. Don't need to be in the wedding party."

And Liam never adored Zayn more than he did in that moment, because his boyfriend really is the most wonderful thing on the planet.

\--

When the wedding day comes, everything is perfect, Liam thinks. It's outside on a gorgeous September day, just like Eleanor has always wanted. He remembers hearing Eleanor talk about her future wedding when they were 6 years old, and this is exactly how she'd described it. And it's wonderful to know that some things never change - except for the face that she wanted to marry Prince Charming and Louis Tomlinson is, well, not exactly that.

It's only after they're all standing up front and Eleanor's coming down the aisle with her father, and Liam sees one, two, three tear tracks down Louis' cheeks, that he changes his mind. Louis Tomlinson may not be everyone's idea of Prince Charming, but he loves Eleanor with all of his heart and he has since they were 4 years old. He's Eleanor's Prince Charming.

They exchange their vows and Eleanor's are more traditional. Original and something you'd expect from Eleanor - nothing out of the ordinary. While Louis' vows are more funny, sometimes gross, slightly inappropriate when he makes a comment about Eleanor's ass in front of her entire extended family, but Eleanor's looking at him like he's the most precious thing in the world, and he's looking at her the same.

"I now pronounce you, Husband and Wife. You may kiss your bride." And they kiss, and it's chaste. They mold together in such a way that they just look like they were made for this, made for each other. Like they were meant to cross paths at some point in their life, and they just got lucky. 

Liam looks out into the small sea of people and he spots Zayn, sitting with Harry and Niall's dates - they finally got up the courage to talk to those girls - and Zayn has tears in his eyes. Liam smiles at him, though Zayn doesn't see. Liam decides that Zayn looks beautiful all the time, but he perhaps looks most beautiful when he doesn't think that anyone is looking.

And the wedding reception is flawless, of course it is. And once everyone has dispersed, Liam's looking for Zayn, but he's nowhere to be found. Liam spots Andy getting a funny look at he's talking to one of the bridesmaids. Liam assumes that Andy had just used a ridiculous chat-up line on her, because that's what he always does. He spots Harry and Niall doing some ridiculous dance in the middle of the dancefloor, because though this isn't technically their day, they're going to make it their day. And their dates are sitting at a table by themselves. Typical. On the corner of the dancefloor, that's where Liam finds Zayn with Louis' younger sisters, the twins. They're fighting over who gets to dance with him next - _"Calm down, calm down, there's enough of me to go around"_ \- and Liam feels light-headed at how perfect his boyfriend really is. He thinks about how a month ago, he didn't have this, he didn't have Zayn. And just knowing that he has him now, he really  _has_ him, is enough to make him want to pass out.

But he's walking over slow, not wanting to get there too fast because he wants to watch this for a little while longer. Until he gets there, "Daisy, Phoebe..." Liam starts, and they look up at him with wide eyes.

"Yes, Leem?" They say in unison.

"Mind sharing my boyfriend with me?" He asks, and Zayn lets out a sigh of relief.

"Okay, Leem" and then they're walking away.

"Thank you, babe." Zayn whispers as he wraps his arms around Liam's neck and kisses his neck.

"How long did they have you trapped?" Liam asks with a snicker.

"Close to 20 minutes, probably. I missed you." Zayn mutters, and Liam's never going to get tired of how often Zayn says that, even when they've only been separated for a short amount of time.

"I missed you too." And then they're silent for a few minutes before Zayn speaks again.

"Do you think that we could have this?" Zayn asks shyly. "Like Louis and Eleanor, could we have that?"

And Liam knows what he's talking about, and he wants to tell Zayn it's much too soon to say, but then he realizes that it's not too soon at all. They're not like other couples, they're Liam and Zayn, and nothing in their relationship has ever been too soon, though for other people, it may have seemed that way. It wasn't too soon when Liam ran out of his own homecoming party to see Zayn, when they'd only known each other, just barely, for a week. It wasn't too soon when Liam hid in his room for too many days crying because Zayn left him after what appeared to be a one-night stand. It wasn't too soon when Zayn came speeding home from Bradford, soaked by the rain, and showed up at Liam's door professing his love for him, and Liam professed it right back. And yeah, maybe it's too soon right now for them to actually get married, but is it too soon for them to talk about it? Definitely not.

"I think it's possible." Liam says. "You're not the last person in the world I'd want to be married to."

And Zayn definitely gets the sarcasm, because he's lifting his head from Liam's shoulder and beaming up at him, kissing him hard on the mouth. "I love you so much, Liam, okay?"

Liam just nods at him, not feeling the need to say it back because Zayn already knows, because they already tell each other with their eyes and their actions every single day. He's pulling Zayn close to his chest and they're swaying to the music, maybe a little off beat but it's okay. He doesn't know how in one month, this whole thing became so much more than Liam could ever dream of. Every time he looks at Zayn cuddled up to him, he wants to cry, because this amazing boy is all his. He thinks maybe he cries too much since he's been with Zayn, but this isn't something Liam thought he could ever have. He's so happy that he finally has it and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

And later that night while they're lying in bed that night, snuggled up to each other after Zayn had just be thoroughly fucked, both unbelievably tired from that exertion mixed with the excitement of the day, Liam speaks up. "You know how I said earlier that you're not the last person in the world I'd want to be married to?"

And Zayn's nodding, whispering "Yeah" and he sounds dejected, almost as if he expects Liam to say that Zayn  _is_ the last person he'd want to be married to. But Liam's lifting Zayn's head so Zayn can look him in the eye, and Liam's kissing him, slow and loving.

"You're the first." Liam says. "I love you so much, Zee."

Zayn just nods at him, smile shining bright on his face even in the dark room they're in, not feeling the need to say it back because Liam already knows, because they already tell each other with their eyes and their actions every single day. But it isn't until they're drifting off to sleep and Liam's almost there when he hears an "I love you too" whispered into his chest paired with one, two, three kisses.

And then he's drifting off to sleep, with the boy he loves snuggled up in his arms, and everything feels perfect.


	7. Epilogue

**1 year later**

"I can't get him a ring with a massive fucking rock in it, Lou, he's not Eleanor."

"Excuse me, what's wrong with the engagement ring I got for Eleanor?"

"Nothing. I just can't get anything like that for Zee, he'd absolutely hate it and you know it."

"Alright, alright," Louis sighs, then he's pointing to a thick silver ring with a 2 small diamonds. "What about this one? Simple enough?"

And Liam feels short of breath because  _yeah, it's simple enough._ Simple and beautiful and so wonderfully Zayn. He envisions the 2 small diamonds as representing the two of them and he thinks he wants to cry now. Which is stupid, he thinks, because he hasn't even bought the ring yet. He hasn't even asked Zayn to marry him yet. 

"Yeah," Liam breathes. "Simple enough. It's perfect, Lou, so perfect. He'll love it." 

\--

3 days later, Liam's walking into the coffee shop where Zayn still works and his hands are shaking.

Zayn turns around in his spot and beams at the sight of Liam standing on the other side of the counter in front of him.

"Thought you were working, babe."

Just as Zayn was leaning in for a quick kiss, Liam is pulling the small velvet box and holding it in both of his hands.

"You still have to ask me what you can get for me." Liam reminds him, voice uneven.

"What can I," Zayn breathes. "What can I, uh, what can I get for you?"

"Just an iced coffee," Liam says before he's jerking his head, motioning for Zayn to come out from behind the counter.

And then Liam's kneeling down in front of him, taking Zayn's hand in his, and he's saying it, "And your hand in marriage."

"I love you so much, Zee," Liam says. "I love you and I've loved you from the first moment I saw you. I fell in love with you, right here, in this coffee shop. And at Eleanor and Louis' wedding when you asked if I thought that we could have that one day, I thought about telling you that it was too soon to say, until I realized it wasn't. Nothing in our relationship has ever been too soon. Everything I've done for you and everything you've done for me would have seemed too soon for other couples, but we're not other couples. We're Zayn and Liam, we're just  _different_. And here we are one year later and I love you more and more everyday. And getting married this soon might seem too early for everyone else, but we're not everyone else." And Liam's crying now, and he's looking up and Zayn and Zayn's crying too. Everything just gets more and more perfect for Liam everyday that he has Zayn. He needs this. "Zayn Javadd Malik, you are my world." He starts. "Will you marry me?"

And Zayn's nodding his head furiously while Liam slips the ring on to his finger, because he can't quite form words with how much he's crying. And then Liam's standing up, grabbing Zayn's face in both of his hands and kissing him hard, and Zayn's kissing him back with just as much fervor. Liam feels like he could float away with how perfect this feels. They can feel all of the eyes in the coffee shop on them as they hear hushed coos come from all around, but he doesn't care. He's marrying his best friend and the love of his life, and that's all that matters now.

"Do you still want that coffee?" Zayn asks, sniffling.

"No, that's alright, love," Liam replies, reaching out to wipe the tears from Zayn's cheeks. "I already have everything I'll ever need."

\--

"Thank you, Liam." Zayn says, later that night while they're lying in bed.

"Thank you for what, babe?" Liam inquires, mouth pressed to Zayn's shoulder blade.

"For making me happy," Zayn starts. "I wasn't really very happy before I met you. I was alright, but I wouldn't have really classified myself as happy. I smoked too many cigarettes and I was always angry or angsty, but you changed that." He continues. "I still smoke too many cigarettes and I'm still angsty all the time which is ridiculous, really, because I'm 21 years old, I'm not a goddamn teenager," and Liam laughs at that. "But I'm not angry anymore, because I have you. I'm happy because I have you, because you taught me how to love and how to let myself be loved, and now we're getting married and I've never been this happy before in my life, and I think I'm gonna be this happy forever, just as long as I have you."

And Liam doesn't respond, just places wet, open-mouthed kisses all over Zayn's neck and back, giving him a chance to continue if he wants, which he does.

"You used to shine bright enough for both of us," He says. "But now, even through all of this lingering teen angst, now I'm shining too."

And then Liam's nodding against his back. "Now  _you're_ the one who shines bright enough for both of us."

"Thank you, Liam." Zayn breathes, as he's turning around to face his fiancé. "I love you so much."

"You're welcome, Zee." Liam whispers against Zayn's lips, pressing a feather light kiss there. "I love you too, so much."

\--

And then, a mere 6 months later, they're getting married. A small, simple ceremony, just the way they wanted it.

They have all their closest friends there, all their family, but that's it. Nothing too big, nothing to extravagant. No, not at Zayn Malik's wedding - none of that.

Hearing the words "I now pronounce you husband and husband" brings a sea of tears to Liam's eyes, as he kisses Zayn with a passion he doesn't think he's ever felt before. Their first kiss as husbands.

And it's only after Liam and Zayn are giggling at the sight of Andy trying to chat up Doniya and failing miserably that Liam realizes that though everything has changed, and everything is going to continue to change, everything is going to stay the same. They're still going to go home to their little flat in Wolverhampton after their honeymoon. Zayn's going to go back to working at the coffee shop, and Liam's going to go back to working at the book store. They're still going to have all their friends over every single night after everyone's done work. They're still going to listen to all of the ridiculous shit that Niall and Harry come up with on a daily basis. They're still going to listen to Louis being Louis, and Eleanor scolding him for it. They're still going to have to worry about when Ant and Danny are going to do something stupid again, and whether or not they're going to get arrested this time. They're still going to watch Andy make pathetic attempts at chatting up girls, and failing, every time without fail. And they're still definitely going to go suck each other off in the bathroom of this wedding hall before the night is over.

Everything is going to be the same when they get back to their flat in Wolverhampton, except for the fact that they'll be going back not as boyfriends, but as husbands. Just the way that it should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two weddings in one fic because i'm a sappy fuck obviously.  
> hope y'all enjoyed reading this fic as much as i enjoyed writing it :)


End file.
